My blogging has generally been dedicated to things I love about Israel and aimed at trying to help others see Israel through my eyes. This is not that blog. This is a blog about all the little, illogical things that have given me the life motto of "just stop trying to make sense of it all."
1) Dear bikers, when you are approaching me from behind, ringing your little bell does nothing to help the flow of transportation other than making me tense up and not stray from the path I am currently on. In America, we have this whole "on your left" process where an approaching biker informs the person they are trying to go around of their intended route. By you telling me you're passing me on my left, I can move further to my right and you can go around me without even having to slow down. Ringing your bell does nothing but tell me you might still hit me if I move an inch.
Side note: Bikers it is also your job to go around a pedestrian if you're on a route that's going to bring a collision between the two of you. Really, I thought this was common knowledge.
2) Taxi drivers you are not exempt here either. If I am walking, whether alone or with friends, at night or during the day, you do not need to honk at me to alert me of your presence. If I wanted a cab, I know how to call for one and I also am capable of flagging you down. Your erratic driving and tell-tale yellow sign on top of your car make it pretty easy to find you if I need you. Honking at me does not increase the chances of me all of a sudden deciding I need your services. In fact, it usually makes me jump and all you have gained is the dirtiest look in my arsenal.
3) Banks, doctors offices, government offices, etc. - closing your doors for lunch for three hours is absolutely unnecessary. Obviously your employees need to eat lunch but it's definitely do-able to stagger schedules in a way so that people can take their lunches while your business still functions. If you can't figure out how to make that work, three hours is SO LONG for a lunch break. Does this mean your full time employees really only work 25 hours a week? Are they getting paid to take that break? If yes, BULL SHIT-no one should get paid for 3 hours of no work. If no, maybe that's another aspect of why people struggle to make a decent income here if they're only getting paid for 5 hours out of an 8 hour work day....?
Side note: Stop charging me an ATM fee at my own bank and stop taking "commission" off of checks I deposit. You did nothing to make that money nor did you do anything to get me to put it in your bank, thus you did nothing to earn a commission. At least call it what it is and tell me you're stealing my money.
4) Call centers, you are probably the most ridiculous. If I need to call and make a doctor's appointment, ask an easy question at the bank, change something for my phone service, etc. I am always told just to call. Their initial prompts usually have an option to hear the prompts in English as well as other languages. However, once you've followed the prompt through you'll likely be switched to another prompt in Hebrew that has no English option or once you've made it through the prompt it is 99% likely that the person you get through to will have the worst English in the office and all of the English speakers will be busy. They'll promise to have the English speaker call you back...but they won't. And next thing you know you've had to hear the same prompts 10 times because you just call and press random numbers until you finally, a week later, get ahold of an English speaker.
5) Why do you have things in this country that frequently include .99 in their price when you don't have currency for that extra .01? Call me stingy but it's pretty annoying when I go to pay for something that's 9.99 shekels, I give them 10 and then get nothing back. Everyone hates pennies in America and we usually just leave them places but anyone who keeps a change jar at home knows those babies add up.
6) WHY IS EVERYTHING IN MY APARTMENT ALWAYS SO DUSTY?!
7) Warning: I'm gonna get catty for this one. Girls and blatant underwear in this country are out of control. Girls, when you're wearing leggings, DO NOT wear regular underwear. Not only are the lines all over the place but they will also likely bunch up and it's really just not a good look for anyone. Nor is underwear that can be seen through your too-tight or too-shear dresses. I'd say less is more here but I honestly think it's because no one bothers to check a mirror. You all have them, do yourselves a favor and use them.
8) We all hate small talk, it's awkward and annoying and I frequently rally against it but it really is needed sometimes. Lady in the library who told my friend her whole life story about her mother dying on the day of her daughter's wedding when she asked you where to find a book, you need to work on your small talk. To the boy who works at the store across the street from me who always only asks me if I have a boyfriend, you need to work on your small talk. Any boys talking to me and my friends and assuming after 20 minutes of screaming over bar music and drinking that you can come home with us, you really need to work on your small talk.
9) All those streets where the light to cross will be green...until you get to the middle of the road and have to pile onto a median to wait for the other side to turn green...yeah you all just need to go.
10) Middle-aged to old men dropping trou at the beach to change into your bathing suit, you are the most unnecessary on this list. Really, NO ONE wants to see that.
11) Any office that tells me I have an appointment at three and then I show up just to find out that the office re-opened from a 3 hour lunch break at 3 and I actually just need to stand in line with 5 other people who had "appointments at 3" your system needs to be changed. Immediately.
12) The post office. I wish you could all hear the tone of doom in my head when I write those words. My mom sent me three packages a few weeks ago. One I picked up from one post office, the second I got a week later from another post office. The third one is still MIA. Really? THIS is your system?! That's not even factoring in the fact that your hours are different every single day and almost always at inconvenient times and then it will take someone 15+ minutes to locate the box. It's actually infuriating. It blows my mind how a country that has done so much and made such strides hasn't yet figured out how to properly handle mail. Also, I'm American so please just drop my packages off at my doorstep.
13) The next person who stops right in the middle of the sidewalk or just before getting on an escalator to look at their phone or look around the mall to make sure they really want to go up a floor, you are going to get yelled at. There are too many of you and I have taken it too calmly thus far. Maybe someone yelling at you about how annoying and inconsiderate you are will make you aware of your surroundings again. And if another one of you does it while I'm grumpily attempting to find my way through the central bus station, I will literally walk right through you. I don't care if that means you end up face first on the escalator, you brought this on yourself.
14) My roommate would also really like me to add in the question of why only a few grocery stores have proper (orange) cheddar cheese. It's a great question that baffles us regularly.
There you have it, 14 things that drive me absolutely insane in this country and make no sense to me. All of which you can see are pretty minor in the grand scheme of things or at least are part of the raging bureaucracy I was warned of.
Beyond the random moments of fury when I encounter these situations, overall I'm insanely happy to be here and enjoying myself and my new life thoroughly. My life in Israel was summed up nicely in Ulpan today when someone complained about something not making sense logically. The responses she got were "that would make it too easy" followed by "welcome to Israel."
